[Universe]

Ender - Quite a different approach from you this week. Last week's verse was like a painting, this was way more watered down and to-the-point. Not necessarily a bad thing... just different. I liked the flow of this, it was tight and impossible to read it any way other than how it was intended. This is tough to do so kudos on that. BUT, I would've liked to see a little more detail in your lines. They all just seemed... abrupt. It's like you sacrificed content for flow... which, I don't know, maybe I just personally prefer more detail like your piece last week. As for the story itself, it was simple but enjoyable. Although I felt this was a topical piece about fear, not wrath. I get the build up to the eventual snapping of the character -- being bullied until enough is enough... but as soon as wrath actually showed its glorious face, it ended. This felt like wrath's origin story rather than a topical piece about wrath. It's a creative take, in it's own way, but I would've liked to see you go over the needs-to-be-changed 30 line limit and really delve into what wrath looks like. Show me its face. I wanted your character to have his revenge laid out at my feet so I could live it with him. I felt I was robbed of that closure here. So overall, a solid piece here for sure... just was expecting a little more from you.


Bodey - I enjoyed this story -- It was your typical kind of coming of age story with that one event that forever earmarks childhood. The flow was good for the most part, and you had some great lines like:

"Such popular kids, dirtying the jokes on our popsicle sticks
And that GI Joe with the voice box was awesome as shit"

Very nostalgic. Reminded me a little of dead man's verse last week.

"He’s a modern-day Eddie Haskel, a narcissistic asshole
And I’ll be damned if he gets the future that his daddy couldn’t have, so"

Loved this in every possible way.

The problem here, I found, is was this seemed like a tale of two cities... Meaning you have tight flow and amazing lines then the next line would seem a little off and... rushed, maybe? Like some lines just didn't CONNNECT with me, sort of threw me out of the vibe of the piece. I also wish you went longer because it jumped around quite quickly.. I wanted more detail about the murder... I wanted to see how the character DEALT with just murdering someone internally. Give us the results of Wrath. I want to FEEL this cool little story and instead I just read and liked it... hope you get what I'm saying.

Overall, I enjoyed this Bodey... just wanted it a little more detailed because you glossed over the coolest parts in my mind. I felt like this should've been condensed down and made into the introduction... then you could take us on a journey of the aftermath of Wrath... and what lies in its wake.

Close battle. Good effort from both... I'm going Bodey though because when her piece shined, it really shined. Just more moments stood out for me.

Vote - Adrian Bodey