brokenhal0 - We almost replaced you bro lol... Make sure you check in on time. Anyway, your verse... Yeah, I mean I get that it's pride and you dropped a braggadocious rhyme displaying your pride in your own abilities, but this is a topical league my friend. In my mind I tune in to see a story based on your topic, not... whatever this was. To me this piece belonged in the Open Mic section, not in the GWL. Just my opinion. Maybe others will enjoy it or get something out of it... I certaintly didn't.
Adverse - Cool piece here. This was a drug-fueled dream like haze that seemed to suddenly (and ironically over many years in the story) switch to a saved-by-religion vibe. A tad bit literal for my taste on the Pride angle, but the transitions in this verse were all well worth it. It all seemed like a natural progression. I sometimes struggled to really find Pride in there as the driving force behind the character's actions though, but I suppose Pride sort of drives everything we do. I just really wish you DROVE that home to the reader, you know? Also, a couple times I felt the flow jarringly go into another rhyme scheme suddenly, but it's not that big of deal, just something I noticed. You definitely tightened up your flow here in terms of line length so that was good to see. Also, some downright amazing lines were sprinkled in there...
For example:
"And your words can cut deep but can't reach that needle in my skin
"God works in mysterious ways?" No he works when it's convenient for him!"
Loved this bar^^
As I said, the whole saved by religion thing at the end I didn't much care for, (I really wanted to stay with that damaged character and have him NOT be saved...) but this verse as a whole easily gets you the W this week. Always enjoy your stuff my man.
Vote - Adverse
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..Passed the Present and Future..
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