[Vulgar]

Universe - Good take on the topic. I liked the personal touches you gave throughout the verse, symbolizing the changing, monstrous nature of the relationship licking the edges of the boat, the vessel of the man's life. Did the verse not mention any underlying psychotic tendencies or sadistic personality traits? If someone rapes their sister so suddenly upon the first instance of rejection, that's not usually the time to begin raping or assaulting, but in this case, he went right for that action. I think the Columbia box may have also had some symbolism? The statue of liberty, on the water, and isn't she the deity Columbia (I haven't checked in awhile). Overall, the verse showed polished rhyme schemes and a good command/focus on the theme. Cinematically, the story was a bit rushed and I know this is due to the medium, the line limit. It's hard to really execute a full-bodied story with rhyme requirements and length limits... the twist came pretty suddenly for me. I didn't think the character had that in him. There weren't many indicators prior, aside from the photo itself as a prelude/guide post. The story didn't line up for me and that's my only critique -- that the main character wasn't also involved in the relationship demise of his sister's husband -- and his homicidal mania resurfaces in mid-adulthood? Great effort and conceptual/action sequences, looking forward to your next.

dead man - This was a nice collage of childhood memories and some drug escapades by a young bunch of rascals. The wordplay was very good in some spots, like the steely resolve. Running for miles in the rain and Napster struck a chord for me. I felt like the verse was a bit split into two parts: one being the first half, a general nostalgic reminder of the early 90s through the mid 2010s (and I could be wrong, just my interpretation). The second half inserted these live characters who engaged with difficulties, substances, making mistakes. In that sense of the split verse, it was still working, because it sort of did a 180 turn towards a more lethal direction. Not nostalgia anymore, but mortal risk. Drowning. Dying from overdose, passing out, possibly heroin injection, etc. The topic lent itself well to that divided interpretation of memories and nostalgia (and then the reality of perishing from bad habits?).

I liked dead man's more as it had a bit more original 'pulp' and he focused a lot on the language and sensations of adolescence. Universe's twist came on a bit strong for me. I was more convinced of the effects of dead man's verse, but both verses had their strengths!

Thanks for the reads.