Damn, this is a tough one to vote on, let’s bless this one with a super vote:
Uni: I’ve actually wrote a few pieces using both an incestuous angle and a murderer angle, I don’t think I’ve ever mixed the two in truth, it reminded me of Dexter Morgan with his boat so I don’t know if that was alluded to or what but I’m a fan of that series also. I loved the foreshadowing used, right from the off with “I love my sister,” that on a second read actually gives it a far more sinister meaning. Lol. “Following in her footsteps,” is another one too, right from the jump, so I hope the readers are paying attention to what you’re doing because those subtle things are dope. The technical merit is prevalent throughout, showing a high degree of skill being balanced with a good rhythmic cadence to assist the flow, which is difficult to do so I have to give you credit in that regard for sure - you’re a very good writer. I personally would like to see how you fared against a @
Pinot Grij type character or maybe a @
CopyPat as I think the styles would mesh well together and make for an interesting battle. Great work, Uni.
Deadman - This piece is sprinkled with classic you, notably in the “balled into fists. sweaty palms, malt liquor binge” line for me as it has a real nostalgic feel many of us can relate to for sure. Interestingly in this battle though, for me, is how Universe took a character based approach to storytelling while you opted for more of a scenic route with a collage of nostalgia to show how these two shared so many memories, a sepia-tinged look at their storied history together almost, which actually brought your characters to life - lifting them off the page and placing them firmly in reality - by making them very real and relatable. These weren’t just used as plot devices, or didn’t feel it, they were very tangible believable beings and that made them relatable to the reader. You felt a kinship to them. You cared what happened to them and wondered where they would ultimately end up. I appreciated the hanging rhymes and lead-ins you utilise so well, and for what it’s worth I thought the style used more so in the second half of the verse suited you better as far as your writers voice - it became more conversational sounding, less scatterbrained and more focused in its rapidfire delivery. Now, for those who like the direct approach to the picture - I think Universe utilised it well, and actually transcended the picture as he build his story around it with his allusions to them “being in the same boat,” etc while you took a more abstract approach to the topic at large, but made it personal to you and that will divide some readers for sure depending on their preference.
I’m not concerned with the difference in line limit to be honest, I’m judging this one solely on both your merits and which I personally preferred of the two - which I both enjoyed as I knew I would because I’m a fan of both your work. Now, that said, the shock factor someone mentioned previously in Universe’s piece also has a bearing on my thoughts because it’s something I’ve covered myself previously, both the murderer take and the incestuous sister one, so while it was different to what I’ve wrote myself in the past and I can appreciate the thought process behind it - it wasn’t so fresh (to me) as it might come off to the majority of writers involved currently because of that. It doesn’t take anything away from my enjoyment of it, but by the midway point I had an inclining of where we were headed. Lol. Being a fan of Dexter probably had a part to play in that also, but alas - this was an inform Deadman showing, maybe not quite at his best but his experience shows throughout. I felt the first half was spent well on character development, in rooting these characters in people’s minds (and hearts) where the latter half of it was where he really tried to anchor it emotionally somewhat with a bit of a metaphoric conclusion to proceedings. For what it’s worth, I preferred the more ‘free form’ style that section had in contrast with the beginning. It just read more naturally, and as I said, was more conversational. I feel in terms of the actual topic, I would have perhaps gone more the Universe world building route than I would have the Deadman route. This is what ultimately decided things for me, I think, and that’s because I’ve gone down the path Universe also tread here twice before, so maybe conceptually it wasn’t as fresh (to me) as it will be to some readers where as deadman presented something of a nostalgic natured snapshot that used the topic in a broader, yet more sweepingly personal, sense and made it unique to him (while also really relatable to the majority of us). I’m not even a fan of skateboarding but I was down with the Tony Hawk game for instance. Lol. Dope battle fellas.
EDIT: After several re-reads I’ve found myself more drawn to the actual storytelling directed at the image provided over the more kind of vague and abstract personally orientated piece Deadman has at its heart. It takes nothing away from it, this one divided me, but on multiple reads Universes stands up for me personally - I think probably because I’m of a more storytelling orientated background and appreciate the skill involved in that more than most. It’s difficult to do. This is close so I didn’t want to change my vote but my heart rules my head I guess:
Vote - Universe