[Blue Bayou]

“The solution to my whole life was right under my nose— that woman, those kids— and I was watching everything else. See, infidelity is one kind of sin, but my true failure was inattention.”

-Marty Hart



looking back..

it’s easy to understand why you always started with me
so much rage, hate. i’d placate but i’d come apart at the seems
or had we always hung on by a thread? is that the heart of the joke?!
never being able to tell the difference is what makes it hardest to cope
we were young & wild. different people when we started the race
then life happened. contrite sadness. my heart up and changed
at least i think it did, i never grasped the rhyme or reason
don’t think it was the time or season. guess i never had a mind that’s decent
crime was freedom and “working late” was the lie you were dealt
it’s hard appreciating what’s right in front of you when you cant see inside of yourself
always thought i’d had you fooled but i’d gave up the ghost
brought home flowers but they were for a suitcase and a note
dark were my thoughts and every day that followed pestered
the bulbs wilting away on the table was fitting for a hollow gesture
but after tenuous months you re-embraced me & passion was gifted
i was elated the act of forgiveness is the tact that you went with
acted submissive head back into business. another case closed
to and from the office everyday speeding down that old grey road
it was during this time you were something of a martyr to me
id learn tho, glimmers of hope observed in the moonlight are harder to see
it was back to long nights at those tragic dive bars
amnesia towards life’s lessons. old habits die hard
not a sprint it was a tumble down the path that tempts me
the straw had broke the camel’s back inside a glass half empty
the pain i feel most isn’t being on the hook for the lies
its remembering the case files better than i do the look in your eyes
cant once recall it being daylight walkin through the door
sure i wish i treated you better, but mostly i wish i knew you more
betrayal wasn’t the only wedge to divide your respect
it was the uh-huh’s. one word answers while you tried to connect
went from havin the best of you. dancing round the vestibule
to cold monthly moments in the same hall. ‘the kids don’t even mention you’
you tried hard. you tried so damn hard
but i was working with the tools the devil’s soul hand carved
chance after chance didn’t matter. i was back in that cold bland bar
chasing something that didn’t matter. another old man scarred
pseudo smirk as the lights go dim. alone in the dark
time will forever be a flat circle. and so will my heart