[Sharp]

We at it again. ITT I'll be announcing some matches you already know are coming, some you didn't know with some shit in between. First:


Confirmed: Flow vs Killing Spree (Pics)

These two mainstays of contemporary text were already looking for a friendly spar, but were good enough to put it off for the event. First and foremost, look for a funny ass pic from Spree. I gotta respect the guy who gives his opponent that ammo and Flow isn't the kind of battler to let it go to waste. I missed his pic battle renaissance but I know he had a solid streak during the Hot or Thot tourney. To anyone like me, this is Flow's chance to show off why he should be considered a threat. Look for some jokes here.


Confirmed: Adverse vs Inno

This might be the most surprising match of the undercard. Both of these guys have been making a waves lately. Inno, against all odds, took and held a 1-2 title, while Adverse has spent the season going from nothing to finding his footing, bar at a time. Both of them have their own styles that are taking form and there's a ton of potential here. Inno needs to be funny without being corny, Adverse needs to be harsh without being wordy, and if the two can do that we're looking at absolute flames.


Now a message to the doubters in the form of highlights from last year:

PPV 2019 Highlights
No particular order:

Originally Posted by BodySnatcher vs Resin M-I-C

I mean honestly...did y’all notice that Res is tenser?
Cuz he knows I’ma put a ‘handful of rounds down his throat’ like a pez dispenser
Class is in session...let me explain how history goes,
U’ll get the ‘long nose’ or I can put the ‘deuces in the air’...Nixon’s victory pose
Mystery close. All I do is clap guys. U’ll say I rap lies,
But if I go ‘overboard w/ gun bars’...then U should be worried about the capsize

Originally Posted by Resin M-I-C vs BodySnatcher

Now shut the helll up, cunttt.. you won’t be able to rally nerd..
-like, -like, -like.. are those concepts or are we listenin to a fuckn valley girl.
You flip Rum Nitty lines.. bitch what u coppin aint tight..
when u stop in & write, 5 second rule: we already got the drop on that bite.
U dont carry the weight just be honest bitch, but i promise this..
Body will lose lil by lil.. so consider each line here as a fuckn progress pic.

Originally Posted by Lars vs Lars (self-diss battle

lmao here’s the mystery.. ur married, but still weird as shit to me
you’s the type writer to kill that bitch like the scene from Misery
aint clear ur history before logging off and so you lost your job
horror nerd into torture porn.. this faggot BDSM Night Shyamalan

Originally Posted by Sharp vs Sharp (self diss)

N you’re engaged? Virgin liar. The deception’s gettin stale n lame
If a bitch even touched you, itd break every bone in your scrawny faggot frame
Worked to death for text rap shit but no one cares about your crap, bitch
Fucking loser. You can’t fit in anywhere but the ‘big n tall’ section of GAP kids

Originally Posted by Flow vs bleak

Hit a gym fatty, if we are made in god's image you must be Budda's creation
shit you ain't 'felt a body burn' since your Nanna's cremation
Captain of the SOL shit but you were out of your depths
How you going to "run leagues" when the ship was sinking soon as your fat ass stepped onto deck

Originally Posted by bleak vs Flow

& you moving on me? Issa joke faggot so stop it dude
I'll have Flow slowed to a dead stop... head rock... chopped&screwed
You need to stop with gun bars. In that you'll hold an L it's a no go
Better off no showing. Lean on the Stick &get ur hat tilted like the Celtics logo

Next, some previews of Card two


Confirmed: Inf vs Cred (gunbars)
If Cred doesn't no-show and Inf doesn't do anything stupid, this is a banger. I feel like these are two guys with influential styles. Inf can flip damn near anything into a bar... Botswana.... and Cred spent years being crucified for gunbars. At the same time, they've really both perfected their approach to battling and if they both show, it's a battle to remember.


Confirmed: Sharp vs Seth
It just isn't text without nerdy white guys rapping gun bars at each other. Seth's a heel for sure, but he can write a bar when he needs to. With the trend in text being 'if you're the first person to flip a word, it's a dope bar', this might just be the kick in the ass it needs. I plan on doing my part to heat up the undercard. Hope you can keep up, Seth.


pussy

A Day in the Life of Amen, CEO Amen Enterprises

Originally Posted by John Dillinger

It’s a text forum from the early 2000’s not some Fortune 500 company, fuck outta here with that zero management skills lol

Just because you were paid money to host a tourney and run things smooth doesn’t mean everyone is

Originally Posted by Amen

Everything in life has to ran like a Fortune 500 company in order to succeed.

Clearly, you aren’t successful.

Originally Posted by Sharp

Everything?

Originally Posted by Amen

Every fucking thing.

Even your TP usage during these “hard times” of hibernation from a common cold.

Originally Posted by Amen

E
V
E
R
Y
T
I
N
G
.
.
.

5:30 am: Already been awake for half an hour. Just tell them you're awake at 5:30 to have that edge.
5:35: Become CEO of Fortune 500 morning shit, wiped with exactly 12 squares of 2-ply tp.
5:45: Become CEO of Fortune 500 breakfast. Prepared by himself the Sunday before for efficiency's sake. Originally, he had attempted to delegate this task to his wife, who told him 'IF this was a Fortune 500 company Dre we'd have a fucking Yacht. Make your own fucking breakfast.'
6:00: Become CEO of Fortune 500 Toothbrush and brush teeth. Manage toothbrush like mouth is a Fortune 500 company: each tooth is cleaned proportionally to the amount of work it does. Dre's left second molars haven't been brushed in two years (they need to earn it).
6:30: Become CEO of Fortune 500 car on the commute to Government Job
7:00: Become CEO of Fortune 500 park job. Do not, under any circumstances, back out to correct parking. When your tire is on or over the line, you are innovating and the rest of the world needs to catch up to you.
7:30: Become CEO of Fortune 500 Text Discussion board thread and tell those pussies that they're pussies.

to be continued in the next Fortune 500 PPV hype mag


Until next time, when I'm confirming more, hopefully (possibly) featuring the likes of:
@Sinacog @Destroyer @FGR @Hush @Blue Bayou @SMaSH @Eviscerate @sraL @Ouch @ORC @Machete Jo @Pen Prick