Can't imagine what that feels like man, but I feel for you & everything is going to be okay.
Death is not the answer to any pain you feel right now. I challenge you to seek professional help and begin talking to someone. At least once every couple weeks to start. There's nothing wrong with that & it's nothing to be embarrassed about
My heart goes out to you and I wish you well
__________________
"I shit myself
I had to throw my underwear in the dumpster outback
Uve won"
-kungfugrip
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