[dead man]

all
my heroes are ghosts.
and all my idols are slaves
subdivided til we die inside this island we raised
every year we pray for change. kneel down and lie to our angels
told my father i was stabilized then cried on the train
washed up. sun-bleached boneyard phantom riding a wave
calcified in utero and born in a grave
digging holes for pennies for a ticket to ride
tracks rumbling beneath me as we shift into drive
our memories are dry. our wells have runneth to dirt
only wish to shed this body so there's nothing to hurt
malfunctioning fully, drunk from 11 to 30
on 73rd with nothing but a Ventra and Slurpee
i dont think heaven deserves me. this feels ugly to say
stay hurting everyone that loves me for a second of space
i am your anchor. coral reef that juts from meters below
who loves to let you go and then remember our moments
there's no depth to my poetry. more def leppard than jodeci
searching in vanity for some empathy .. hopefully
messages in motion, swandive all that we built
ye i walk through the hollows in this valley of filth
pefectionism petrify my metre in stone
confronted all my demons once then left them alone
better left to rot than save whatever withheld
my letters to self - softcover memoirs of anonymous helplessness
someone asked me if it bores me yet. i wish it was yes
i wish to let these cuffs dissolve and lay me to rest
a prisoner to primal urge for weekly repentance
thinking watercolor, writing symbols, speaking in sentences
personality reckless, read: addiction to deathwish
every morning sunshine lights my window beating me senseless
lead me to medicine. i'm as sick as a dog
buried in literature like it can tell me whats wrong
its like an alarm, of impending doom
ringing in an empty room. ghoul alive in destitution
grapevine fires my wine is putrid. metaphive and metamucil
spitting snot and retching beauty. lemongrass incense patchouli
so fucking foolish. you're the same without me, truly
i sit and melt and die in unison. wish i'd never left our room
here i sit reciting eulogies forgotten by noon
leaving footprints in the snowfall every morning, i choose
to be apart from you. although my memories move me
to write your value loosely, to me you were everything dear
i need to go. its never been so clear.

dm