Adonis: I quite liked this take, actually, it had a little of everything and I found the take mixing up Gods and Man living together at one point in the past etc to be well done. You presented it well. I especially liked this couplet:
Quote:
Gods roamed the lands, playful Children of innocence
No malicious intent, living for centuries, civil as civil gets
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I see you trying to get more technically proficient and stepping your game up. It was noticeable and done well.
The closing lines didn't rhyme for me, maybe it's an accent thing, but it wasn't a huge factor and overall I think you did a solid job here and this is one of the more enjoyable pieces I've read from you in truth. It feels the most "complete". It had a clear and definite 'route' it wanted to take and you definitely delivered on that front.
Brokenhal0: I did enjoy this one, as I often do with yours, I enjoyed the Japanese references a lot. I notice you used some sexual references again this week, "assclapping" which I found again took me a little out of the tone of the rest of the piece in truth - similar to what I'd noted last weeks I believe? You definitely had a more technically proficient verse, in my opinion, in terms of you carrying over the multi strings and whatnot and generally having that naturalistic flow in the broken-down-bar format that you bring to the table. It's almost effortless, whether people think that's a good or bad thing is up to them, but personally I enjoyed it. The train of thought quality it has brought up some interesting ideas and descriptions at points. I feel like you had a lot of snippets in here, without a clarity as to the direction you wanted to take this joint in, so when comparing it to something like we had from Adonis this week - the more direct, straightforward, less abstract of the two - Adonis' verse is the more palpable. It has more in the way of direction and execution that I, personally, prefer.
I'm going with Adonis this week.