Thread: Merry go round
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Old 03-21-2019, 12:47 AM   #2
Objective
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Thought this was pretty cool and honest, the opener definitely caught my attention on a good note. Some stretched lines here and there that I didn't really enjoy as they could have been shortened down and still say the same thing without losing anything, when I say this I'm not thinking about lines this:
Cashmere sweater with a Rolex on the wrist. Looking so iced out, this is when fire becomes myth.
(cus this shit was dope and flowed well to me but it also said something interesting throughout.) I'm thinking about lines like this:
I want it to be real because I want the thrill, of not giving a fuck. I'm ever aware my words become more twisted and corrupt.
The reason being that it feels a bit too repetitive with the "I want" which the previous line covered, one "want" would be more than enough to transition over without it being too much and making the line seem even longer than it already is, the wording just feels choppy and longwinded compared to the Rolex-line I quoted earlier. Idk, I see what you were going for but it still felt a bit too repetitive for me.

Maybe its because I try to play therapist when I was raised heretic
Made to believe in nirvana so I can be force-fed sedatives; others' ideas as medicine.
^This was crazy dope, loving the "others' ideas as medicine" as a finisher to what you were saying, good shit. Great transition to the next subject and style on the following line.

Overall a solid drop with some serious dark knowledge sprinkled throughout, good shit.
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