[Blue Bayou]

Originally Posted by sraL

My problem with that gay-jizz line, apart from the obvious, is that he gives away the end of the line by spelling it out as Gay-Jizz. As a reader, you can pretty much switch off from reading at that point because you already know exactly where it’s going. There’s no bait and switch. The misdirection has gone. He’s already shown his hand, the rest is just a formality writing itself to me. There’s no more to be done. I think, personally, it would have worked better if he left it as gauges. That way it still has some kind of pay off to the latter half of the line, something to leave the reader with a penny to drop and realise what he’s doing. The way it’s set out takes away from the reveal. I don’t like that.

I thought long and hard about that tbh lol