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Old 02-23-2019, 09:40 AM   #8
Jabari Black
Sun Tzu
 
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 550
Battle Record: 13-6


Champed
- Battle Arena League
- 1-2 Punch League
- Netcees Battle League
- Netcees SOL

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I have fly rhymes, I'll leave you 'behind my bars' like apartheid
I spit game at your girl with czar lines...I have the bitch in polygamy..I've dated her five times..

(Felt like you were definitely going somewhere here. Behind bars/apartheid flip is a played concept (jail/bar flips) but I like that you had a coherent punch in the set up. I dated her 5 times not much of a diss, and polygamy/dating 5 times isn’t much of a flip)

I heard you were a therapist; when people had problems you fed them the call
But if this shrink wants to talk to me about issues..I'll make his head get small..

(Lol I’m really like that you went personal here. Like earlier, I think shrink/head small/head bigs/empty thought - all those are very similar and played concepts. Concept and execution not bad, just played out. The fact that it’s kinda a personal elevated it a bit though)

I've seen your girl..all 'stuck up'..thinking she nice..
But she's actually ugly..yeah she can have the tip..the tip of my knife..

(Aight similar as before, stuck up/knife flips are played but it gets a pass cus it’s kinda just to set the punch up. Good concept here. The execution came off a tad basic but I don’t think this was a bad bar)

I spit propane with my lines..when you go 'toe to toe with me'..it's a shame you will die..
I'm about to toe tag, and 'tag Veto'..like politicians playing a game with our lives..

(I think your verse is trending in the right direction. The “veto” concept is pretty good imo. He execution held this back. Pretty much the way you executed this doesn’t quite work cus you got “tag” just kinda hanging there to make the punch work. If you woulda took some time to word this better, you coulda had something nice here)

I heard you were having trouble with faith..will I'm a shrink now..so say..
They say you 'proved the existence of god'..well..you're battling him today..

(Lol i kinda like this. Props for the angle - I think this is a good personal angle. The flip was pretty basic - almost statementish but I the personal itself makes up for it. This was a basic statementish type bar but still enjoyable to me)

Matter of fact..give me one of your girls..best believe she will be deep..
for heaven's sake we're a match made in heaven..I've put so much 'thick white stuff on her'..she think's she's a sheep..

(Lol I see you going bruh. Not a bad bar it’s just this not a crazy concept, and they way you executed it (with the “she thinks she’s a sleep”) kinda made the bar come off a bit corny. Your material trending in the right direction though - major improvement over previous weeks)

I'm a mexican poet..your girl likes my flare..one more night..and love is in the air
We're like Noah's Ark..when I gave her that wood..it's no wonder we came in pairs..

(Ay this is nice - idc what anybody says. Set this up well. The Noah’s ark/gave her wood/came in pairs flip is pretty dope. This was good and the best bar I’ve seen from you. More of this stuff)

I'm suitable, bet..when I write lyrics over a flow..it's a musical threat..
Today..you're losing your breath..I'll put flowers over your casket..you're still not dying a beautiful death..

(Aight. No real flip here/statement type bar. Woulda been a nice line in a SnF verse or a open mic verse but need a heavier punch since this is a battle. Still kinda enjoyable to read though)




I’m Frodo Baggins riding dragons roasting this dim slob,
One ring fa your girl, call it giving me a Skyrim job.

(Used as much context clues and google searches that I could but I still don’t get this bar. I can kinda assume what it mean but not
Enough to give solid feed)

I’m Scooby Doo with an uzi drew ripping you when the toolie crack
Make ya chick go against her will, she call me her Scooby snack

(Not a huge fan of the go against will/Scooby snack flip but it works. Thought you coulda executed better too. The set up not that related to the punch (which is fine to do but you need some type of transition or a punch at the end of the first line). Overall this is okay)

I’m Solid Snake at a clam bake, blend in then cut you with art form ops
I stay up in your girl undetected, call it my cardboard box

(Similar where it works but I’m not crazy about the flip. This is okay)

I drop lame wordplays on Thursdays, still they all lead in ya head
Ya girl says I’m too sexy for my shirt, she calls me Right Said Fred

(This wasn’t much of a punch - bar came off kinda lazy. A flip really needs to have two different means to be effective and this one didn’t)

I’m nonconforming with a warning, that only the chosen few can do so,
I hit ya chick then leave her stranded, she calling me Robinson Crusoe

(Solid. You gotta do a better job of setting up your punches though cus the concept is pretty good. But her and leave her stranded isn’t bad, but because your setup doesn’t have anything to do with that - anyone reading now has to guess is he saying “shoot her and leave her body” or “fuck her then ditch her” or whatever. Good concept, love to see you focus more on the setup/execution)

Bruh, I’m Optimus Prime with a glock and a nine they whip like a brown slave
I get in inside your girl, open up her chest, now we call her soundwave

(This punch is all over the place and doesn’t really go anywhere imo. Once again there’s really no way to know what you mean by “get inside your girl, open up her chest”. I it to mean shoot her in the chest while your fucking her...which don’t really make sense lol. I feel like I leave this feed a lot but if you’re going to have a punch like that, you gotta ‘paint the scene’ in the set up. Set up should tell readers how that’s about to happen. Anyways, on top of that, I don’t get what sound wave has to do with that punch. This was a pretty bad miss imo)

I’m Rosario Dawson in the Barrio flossing, that’s a bar on gender amenity
Ya girl says I’m the man though, we call that mistaken identity

(I’m don’t get the punch in the set up but it flows well and sounds good. The punch was kinda basic. It works but nothing heavy. Not bad)

I’m Donald Trump with a violent pump, making a boarder fall,
put you in a state of emergency, they call me the border wall

(Put you in a state of emergency is a pretty basic flip but you had enough going on in the punch for this to land. I think you coulda did a lil bit more with the “boarder fall” part of the punch, but as is it’s still not a bad tie in. Overall this landed)


I got V narrowly squeaking by with the win. I think this is A LOT closer than the other votes made it out to be. I personally have Noah’s ark as the lotb but sinacog had to many misses and lines with no punch.

I think V got a lil lazy here. I personally like out of the box references and more subtle wordplay, but you didn’t execute it here as well as you have in the past. However, you had enough consistency to get the dub here because sin had he lower lows.

Sin came close to sneaking a vote from me but I gotta go with V

Mvgt Veritas
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