Since u bedridden! I do the rest of my part, razor extend--i slice at ya heart
Completed the Goal & Objective got spread across the sheets-I'm makin a Flowchart
(Lol yikes. This is a very well crafted line. Good use of the personal angle. The imagery was dope and the goal and objective/flow chart flip was dope)
Why bother? Today i write you the perfect death, u face to face with ya author
I aim the nose at ya clothes! These Pops thru your jeans aint a biological father
(This landed - light but landed. The gene/Jean flips have been done before which took way from the punch a bit but this one was pretty fresh. Once again the imagery is dope)
Catch you in the whip! Blade pointed, thats a decimal..it turn u into a vegetable
Driver seat full of stab wounds...have u sleeping behind tint like the Fyre Festival
(This is disgusting. The set up is dope - you punched in it and set up the punch very well. Sleeping behind tint/tent is a nasty flip. Only critique is the ‘behind tint’ wording doesn’t flip perfectly but it’s still good enough for the punch to be effective)
Im nothin, but terror! Thinking if i let off 6, then you gone need 6 to pallbearer
Ya lower back malfunction! Rounds eject in & out this machine, u'll catch a disc error
(This is nice again. Similar critique as the last bar in that ‘eject in and out the machine’ isn’t a perfect flip. I understand you meaning loading and shooting but the flip isn’t 100% clean both ways if that makes sense. That being said, this creative af. Disc/disk error is a dope way to end the punch. ‘malfunction’ a dope tie in. Good bar)
The gun Russian! I flash this Heat in the Light, i can make a Science Combustion
Shots ripping! I shift down & delete Object off the surface like Sims Construction
(Yeah this is dope. Good punch in the set up. Punch was dope. Fire closer for a fire Verse)
Listen up dumb fuck, I can tell you need a line to bite,
faggot dine a mic till he's well fed on his salty rhymes tonight.
(This one missed imo. Wasn’t really any punch here. You had the light word association with the dine and fed rhymes but that and the rhyme scheme was pretty much the only thing going for you in this bar)
This fuckers image on some mixed gender soccer moms, it's inerrant,
"I'm cool with da kids!", 2pac's avvy reflecting this, damn you're transparent.
(Lol I see where this is going. Statement bars can work but the statement gotta have impact. This bar was all over the place but didn’t really go anywhere)
Surrealistic events surround your wretched being like a bad bitch,
if people were on acid and stumbled upon you it's defo a bad trip.
(Once again this was all over the place but didn’t go anywhere. This got a slight chuckle out of me though)
If your clothing styles just as cheap as your bars you're hard to market,
your locations at the gun range cus people need easy targets.
(Alright, at least there was a punch. Best bar you dropped so far)
A dying carcass in the name of text with lame gunned down effects,
this faggot need to heed his words and read the shit his sig suggests.
(This one doesn’t quite make sense)
No disrespect but this right here is a body. Dy came with a damn near flawless verse. Every line landed imo. The imagery was top notch, set up his punches well, the name flips were on point, etc. Only critique is one or two of his flips had one or two words that didn’t fit perfectly both ways. This is bound to happen from time to time because you flip some pretty long phrases. I’m hoping this verse doesn’t get overlooked because of the one sidedness is this was fire verse.
Objective, Preciate you being a good sport and dropping a verse despite being sick. Hope you get better soon homie. But yeah you could tell the Verse was just thrown together.
Anyways Dy clear as day
MVGT DynamiCz
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