Hello, Just Write; - allow me to leave you feed-back of what I enjoyed, and what you can improve one..lol...
First of all, I enjoyed this kind of conjoined love poem; - it was filled with robust talent thought;, and acquired skill level. I never really felt lost for your narrative; and it was a enjoyable decent read. I enjoyed some of the one-liners here and there; had some cool lines scattered throughout this piece; so to speak. Some of the wording I feel; could use more complexity; or some of your imagery; so to speak. Maybe add some personification, or metaphorical imagery in there? Similes would be good as-well. That's just me, however. You seem to do good in other areas, with simplicity which is a good point your making. This would be a good written;, in a newspaper article or perhaps in a journal. I enjoyed the ending, has the feeling you are alone instead of with your lover. Overall - nice one, man. To improve, maybe up the complexity;, and more imagery. Other than that, this was fairly decent. Nice one, man. Keep writing!
|