yeah you guys are both good on votes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious
Put this bitch through a murder scene… have him inches from death!
Sloppy set ups with random comparisons you’d think it was him^^ on the set.
not bad idea, but usually you want that connection to be in the punchline as well so its fresher in the reader's head and a cleaner association. you did a decent job of pointing it out, but without those arrows the bar would probably make no sense. Still, probably the lotb for being the best idea/excecution
You a sloppy connect.. the type to deal for your selfish gain- the weakest creed,
Cakedout?!... correct cause your claiming bankrupt from royalties like jermaine DUPRI!
Alright, but a little basic. You could do a lot more with that connection but the concept was there.
Bar for bar your punches leave me little to no impression- dude your lame,
While my bars be like Alcatraz…
…nothing but fear behind it and everyone always tries to find a way to escape!
this was more of a flexing kind of bar. alright, but doesnt really do any damage to your opponent
Your bitch is a hoe… bet she the reason of your name, look how she made you pay.pal
Cuz once you registered on NC it was the only thing you owned because you have no more cake now.
wasnt really a nameflip, the pay, pal idea didnt really get used. Again, try to make the punchline have all of the flip in it
Ironic you leave the life yet your pic shows you scarred up and beat,
Cuz its funny-
that’s on a personal level... cuz it’s the closest you’ve been to action in WEEKS.
Avvy/sig/user title flips rarely ever hit. try to avoid them
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concepts and executions are your biggest issue, wordings pretty nice which is the harder part tbh.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cakedout
So son might be spittin it off but still lacks furious nouns..
This battle is just a hidden result of a roast session the way we don't see serious around..
really statementish and too wordy. if this was a nameflip it didnt come out at all
How you getting applauds when you don't even come dope brother..
It's safe to say you wouldn't be a pound posing as the tic tac toe structure..
again, if there was an idea here wording took away from it big time
Understand I'm hard as a-boar-chin, today I bring death to the young
When I didn't even need to prep four the son
kind of cool but really scattered and also more of a flexing bar
He might have been a packer but now this Brett is sonned
After I walk off leaving his t-red once those steps are done
alright associative wordplay but wasnt much of an actual punch
For my 1st battle, netcees giving me a kid? devastation..
but 1 punch will land serious in the crowd cause all my haymakers give elevation..
wordplay or nameplay was lost on me. kinda scattered as well
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needs work with getting ideas that work for punches. then work on making them come out clearly with better wording.
both of you are decent but could use some help in either the tutoring section and/or NBL. hit those up and put some work in and you'll be gettin stuff together soon
for now, serious was a lot closer to an effective verse. stay up dudes.
V/ serious