Big gap in experience here, this is like 40 years + vs journeyman topicals. Bolo isn't incapable of crafting a decent verse, this is by no means terrible. You can just kinda tell the difference.
Diablo:
First 4 or 5 lines felt like a Shady flow for me, really liked how you used the line length to emphasize rhyme schemes. I adopted that pretty early in my topical game, obv not to the same effect. The tie in to discussion invested me into the piece more, using Plot as your subject/perspective was a cool idea and great interpretation on the topic. Would have liked to see more on the parables of Plot but this was concise and did the job.
Bolo:
With a long line length, I would start to use inners to make it flow better. I had a hard time catching the rhythm, as it goes. Interpretation was a bit obvious but it didn't hurt here, gave you a solid platform to tell a story. But yeah the diss at the end was out of place considering the piece and it didn't really have any effect besides disconnecting the reader. It was just out of place when u built a foundation based on something else. Keep writing
Diablo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by takem2school
Me vs you only if that’s what it takes.
Battle to the death
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like a woolah what it do to one’s medulla oblongata- revenge of Montezuma on a blotter
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