Knucklehead your wording was great. Lyrically you're winning this hands down.
"barbecue warmed up, over the platter we dash salt
got so caught up in war stories the burgers turned to asphalt"
This line was so vivid..so real..and painted a picture of the horrors of war using a barbeque setting that i want to vote you the winner for this line alone. But the piece treds off and never lives up to the aforementioned line.
Witty you dont have a line that moves me. Your piece was more of a story of the horrors..the cause and effort and the end of war but still holding your gun close because its never truly over. Written from the perspective of two opposing faction fighting and reacting to each other.
Witty took the battle but mostly because he put up more of an effort and fleshed out his story a little better. Knucklehead started with a bang then fizzled out
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