[Objective]

I'm painfully average and fuck up every huge exciting and new opportunity I get to the point of unemployment time and time again. Even at the smallest sense of an obstacle I fuck off rather than dealing with it if things come in the way of doing what I want to do. I smoke weed, done MDMA (once) and drink a bunch of alcohol despite being on NDRIs which always fucks me up in weird ways that can't be compared to when I'm off them. On paper it shouldn't fuck with my brain too much but it sure as hell feels like it and it excites me in a dangerous self destructive way which in itself is a form of escapism. Every day is a constant battle of not doing something stupid or over working myself into getting myself in new potentially dangerous and/or financially bad situations. I'm a board game/video game addict by day and play with fire at night, balance and stability feels weird and foreign.