[namix]

a belated but much deserved breakdown, my friend:

Thoughts while reading:
- solid flow out the gate, good call-backs coupled with inners to break out potential monotony (which i sometimes allow myself to be a victim of as i get going)
- "i AM the master of my destiny, I just mask my complexities" - great concept
- "hahaha hashtag backtocelibacy!! you lack the relevancy" - this was a real smooth way to reinforce the "doubt" you established in the felony/jealousy line in a very modern context (while knowing they are somewhat separate points, it was still solid conceptual flow from my perspective), lol @ hashtag backtocelibacy,
- loved how the plot is progressing going into the "right aligned" section, a clear shift in perspective coupled with a subtle "shift" in alignment visually too (may or may not have been deliberate, interested in whether it was or not, but it 'worked' in a cool way in any event)
-"Them Garbage Kennedys, I'm starting remedies with Marxist tendencies"
--- oooh, dope rhyme and 'political polarity' so to speak
-"hard to live in peace while we starve and live in streets"
--- point blank truth, great concept

The conclusion:
--- the build up was great, though I did not necessarily anticipate what that shift in perspective was going to be, that was creative liberty on the writer's part imo, and all that was needed to "round out" the verse was exactly what you provided - a perspective shift, and a conclusion insofar as to what that shift in perspective was going to culminate to.
--- I really liked the "conclusion" in that it was the "eve of the conclusion" (coupled with your verses conclusion), that was poetic, and while not as decisive as most topicals tend to be these days, that made it more fresh to me.
--- to expound, loved the "EVE" of the conclusion - very well written, the appropriate amount of 'conclusion' coupled with the flexibility to reopen this piece with a follow-up OR simply allow the audience to imagine what that conclusion would entail via the revolution to come.


Overall:
--- technical craft: solid flow, good references/metaphor and overall intelligent writing

--- story telling: knowing you had a part 1 to this piece, I assume there was some context that may have been relevant to this one -- HOWEVER -- while I almost read that first, I thought it was worthwhile to evaluate this stand-alone, because it speaks to solid story-telling if you can make a piece BUILD off another piece while also being a meaningful read in and of itself - which it was. I enjoyed the progression throughout, though thought there was opportunity to make the 'decision point' a bit more distinct/clear --- the need for a shift in perspective was clear, the transition from 'struggling to decide who the individual was/is going to be' was clear -- but the decision would have been further empowered through more direct allusion to the ultimate conclusion, if that makes sense?

What I mean is: you were super effective at framing up the internal struggle, the doubt, allusions to pros/cons, but a bit more in terms of clearly framing up the decision point in terms of "I can do this or that" would have enhanced the ultimate decision point --- i hope I am being clear here, not much to pick at from a constructive criticism standpoint, and again, also appreciate the fact that i had not read part 1 in the process, but I think going back to the compliment i gave you about making this a 'stand alone piece' AND a secondary installment, the feedback still is applicable either way - though you did better than most in that regard, imo

--- creativity: really liked a couple of those one-off lines i called out, solid creativity. always a good 'theme' (the struggle of decision making, the choice - doubt - conclusion) - a good theme you brought to life in your own way. also appreciated the, potentially unintentional, creative use of alignment -- more, to me, than just breaking out the plot, the shift to "right" could be poetic in its own 'right'. from being "left in doubt" to "confident in the right decision", no question i could be over thinking it, but it worked.

Great read. Sorry it took me so long to return the favor on the feedback from a couple months back, but I try to stand by my word, so didnt want to leave you hanging brotha.

let me know if you have any thoughts/questions on the above - otherwise, great read pawtna.