[big baby]

if i may be hypercritical, as you would wish i could be. this read oddly to me, not because of its different flare to the usual. I suppose sometimes the need to cram in as much information as possible into a space becomes the hardest task based off of many things... i'll list them here
1.) stanzas, and their syllable counts. you're extremely anal about this, it's always a methodical 11-15 no matter what. I don't even need to count them here because i know they're about that, this is good, but also sometkmes detrimental.
2.) the leaving out of words that seem to take up space, that may seem unwarranted.
3) i know this new wave, or old school revived way of not using punctuation, lowerxasinf everything. I'm at a loss for the term but it was a practiced way of poetry, i think in india.
at times i'd read what you wrote and i'd be lost for a second. maybe a comma, spacing, periods pause- something could've been used. i speak on this spelt for the fact that there was so much information it became sensory overload. not exactly bad, and it may have been what you were aiming for but it actually threw me off a few times!

i also saw less of what i thought was expected. the bold lines of truth. the quick moments of heralded honesty. something, that warranted a head nod. something people relate too, not because it's commonplace. but you challenge the reader to think differently, to think like you and connect on a scope. this seemed to be more of a scream, audible expelling of something wedges deep down inside - can't put my finger on it. sometimes i venture out into these realms of writing, where, i compare things to something absurd, and these comparisons become analogies for my writing - when in reality these analogies are far fetched and long winded, but i don't care about that. i dig it into the reader so much that i hope these things become commonplace just in that verse alone. but i can only speak for myself, here.


nonetheless, enjoyed this. thanks