Can something be good and bad at the same time?
This is technically impressive but it's just not grabbing me.
...Provided chai & appetizing bowls of rice. Our home was nice. My only gripes
were over times he'd go for wine to soak his throat and sober mind (invoking ghosts he hoped to hide).
"Zopa, I was only 5 when boats arrived on coastal lines" He'd close his eyes. "...and most of my.....
whole family died, like toasted goats and roasted swine, enclosed inside a holy shrine. I moaned & whined
then choked and cried - the open sky was cloaked in grime - as Chinese soldiers bolted by
and catapulted boulders high...
That's impressive rhyming but it just feels empty to me because of some of the stretches.
Soak his throat?
Does anyone ever say that?
Your whole family died LIKE toasted goats and roasted swine?
That seems like a comparison solely for the sake of the rhyme.
The open sky was cloaked in grime?
Strange description.
You've got a lot of pieces here on the OM
This one caught my eye because of the impressive rhyming,
but as a whole it feels empty to me. Something's missing.
I don't know. Hard to explain.
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