Thread: Biopic
View Single Post
Old 07-03-2018, 01:33 AM   #2
Pharaohs Army
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,956
Battle Record: 6 - 14



Rep Power: 0
Pharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant future
Default

Only time He came outside when it was time to re-up or to the food pantry to collect His free stuff

I liked that rhyme

This is okay man, but it gets a little repetitive with the guy and his problems. Any reason why you capitalized all the He and Hims?

You have pretty good meter with your syllables.

But you need to do a lil' better on the subject matter to capture your readers.
Pharaohs Army is offline   Reply With Quote