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Pharaohs Army · 07-03-2018, 01:33 AM

Only time He came outside when it was time to re-up or to the food pantry to collect His free stuff

I liked that rhyme

This is okay man, but it gets a little repetitive with the guy and his problems. Any reason why you capitalized all the He and Hims?

You have pretty good meter with your syllables.

But you need to do a lil' better on the subject matter to capture your readers.

07-03-2018, 01:33 AM	#2
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	Only time He came outside when it was time to re-up or to the food pantry to collect His free stuff I liked that rhyme This is okay man, but it gets a little repetitive with the guy and his problems. Any reason why you capitalized all the He and Hims? You have pretty good meter with your syllables. But you need to do a lil' better on the subject matter to capture your readers.