[patrown]

zeedee -
lighthearted tone avoided being too serious.. good call with the touchy subjects. pulled it off with a sense of humor, like a family member might cope. couldn't have pulled it off without excellent character development.. or the part with him throwing socks as hand grenades.. aiming down his cane. that was pretty funny. mechanics were top notch. enjoyed the multiples and inners throughout.
as well as the i-a assonance carried through these lines..

When he was able to admit this and say, "I'm sorry for hitting you babe.
But I'm missing my brain." They'd laugh it off and she'd start kissing his face
This was their way with him spitting this game that would whisk her away
Then she creates something to help him as a subliminal aid
Pictures of days in his present age properly fit in their frames
At least one image was placed in every room and given legitimate space

read smooth. real fucking smooth. humanity, coping with physical abuse and mental illness. liked the last catchy three, about putting up pictures of him "in his present age." that detail was a nice touch.
in the end, i did feel like something was missing. an appropriate effect. nice drop.

pohfig- this is phenomenal. seriously. i'm trying to make sense of the elemental focus. and so far i'm only certain about the role light plays here. allowing us to see things for how they are and understanding mortality, perception.

The green color palpitates against your face in vast rays
and its existence alone elates the drab pain.
The weight just cascades pushing the earth and your sleep
of mud muddled from tears rubbing the dirt on your cheeks.
A proverbial groan that sounds like it merged with a squeal
is let out between a muttered prayer and a courteous plea.
Eyes searching the field find the sun shimmering
against your open bottle beside your unfinished drink.

you're a fucking genius. anyway, lights a reflection of life the earth..and the earth holds us down, eventually consuming us all while time/wind's wearing on us.
reaching for the glass is tantamount to not finishing it.. the bottle it's poured from exists because of the world, and in the end is less of an enemy than our own intellect/light. anyway, that's what i took from this piece. besides a few hours on a well lit portion of earth.
edit: mechanics here kicked ass too. i cut myself off to avoid rambling before i got there.

/v pohfig - a lot of truth's written plainly, while staying wide open to interpretation. some serious stuff, strong messages.. i know i couldn't fuck with it on my best day. zee would've had to throw in a plot twist from the record books for the /v imo.