Ok drop, great choice of words here and there but the rhymes were for the most part either extremely simple or not there at all, kinda ruins the flow when it's not even there (Example: 11th & 12th line, internally and disturbing don't rhyme bro). The opener could have been pretty dope if it rhymed and the opener is important as fuck, it's what makes people want to read on. You also want to make your closure just as strong as you want to leave your readers with a good impression as well. Your closure wasn't extremely dope, but it wasn't wack either, it was decent. All in all an average drop with lots of potential and room for improvement.
Fav lines;
Graceful keys, Brazilian Rhymes, everlasting gobstoppers
Had my pimp strut locked tight, climaxing with jalapeno poppers.
J Dilla da God tho'. ^^ Keep droppin'.
__________________
I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o
|