[dead man]

how do you say

i'm a mouse in a cage
run whatever wheel around amounting to praise
rusty blade to back to get you out of the way
victimizing self for 20 hours a day
4am in cemeteries counting the graves
Mausoleum monastery bounded in chains
paranoid anxiety and power and labels
chair of the committee when we're turning a table
searching mazes blindly masquerading as life
theres always pain to lie about and faces to swipe
places to hideaway for safety rediscover your pride
anything it takes to feel like something inside.
recovery in grieving there's a powerful bind
breaking out of habit our complacence provided
relying on routine to get a structure designed
our world collapses in upon itself, so we rise.
cherokee to ten-cat alley softened your smile
bourbon barrel aged on coaster, talked for a while
dimly lit the creaky floors, the billiards cue
our bodies shifting musically, searching eachother
for a question, a clue - some psychosis, a truth
a sign that we're coping. skin and slobber and youth
said hello with a hug. yelled farewell with excuses
for why it wasn't ever exclusive. so it goes
selfish abuse, it's a pattern i am yet to diffuse
answer it with exercise and sexual pursuits
whatever i've collected is an empty reminder
of what i left behind in the fire,
let it go
travel for a piece of mind, a sign of yourself
participation trophies still belong on a shelf.
so i say.. who am i, but a meager persona
who views the world thru whiskey and a liter of cola
bedside table lamplight. an Aleve, a Corona
our secret aroma. leave me in immediate coma
keep me alone. i'm best at home. senior recluse
better at the game of life than being a human
re: divide, sanctified thru rhythm & blues
a vinyl that the Tidal generation refused
i hope you're here with me. truly, i do
we're a ways down the rabbit hole i tunneled for you
see me as true. let me express, let me rely
there's very few things I can maintain til I die
dirty sky. earthen peak we've been buried for weeks
your touch bavarian cream, a stairwell in Greece
where we married our dreams. showers and sheets
hostel faraway reaches, turning frost into heat
sandy mountain beaches salt perfuming the wave
my heart is archaeology, a tomb of remains
who are you to say that i'm student of change
when i've felt the same way since i could doodle a face
keep the pace, walking softly like assassins in snow
hickory the oars we used to paddle the boat
halfway past nirvana we split sandwich and scones
recollecting memories we had on the road
past, always past
let her scatter me soul.
have me feeling incomplete in places unknown
let it grow. insurmountable allergic to life
curbing my enthusiasm bourbon and sprite
women feeling sweeter than a turkish delight
grinding down their bones with all my personal vices
i am a perk of enticement, con of seeking a soul
capable of more than recreational ghosting
basically i'm basic. slash bacterial host
clutching to a string like ceremonial floats
help me please. you're reading this and know we're the same
vindicate my only escape - this home on the range
it only takes, a moment to choke
yet here we stand
caught in the riptides so
psychosis,
she wrote





black