zeedee, i like the story you presented and the way you went about it with the slight twist at the end. the problem i have with it is that you incorporated minor details into it that didn't really need to be there. i think when you're writing a story such as that, you need to stick with the bread and butter of the subject. you started out with how the guy had dementia and would beat his wife. correct me if i'm wrong but that part never really went anywhere in the story and it was right in the beginning. it's something the readers grasp onto first and if it goes nowhere it leaves the reader wondering why was that even there in the first place? i hope you don't take this the wrong way, because you have a great grasp on mechanics, i just think the story started somewhere and ended up in another place with unneeded material.
pohfig, this verse was very succinct. you started with the main idea, created this imaginary realm and provoked thoughts that most people feel with the alcohol(ism) subject but in a very descriptive way. you took the reader where you wanted them to go and your grasp of the language within a verse was very good too. no real qualms with this one.
vote - pohfig
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