One of the things that is sticking out to me a lot is wordplay and how its executed.
2 examples:
because the way Deserter is by being a dead beat "dad" who's Never Around
Deserter/des hurt her. Phonetically this works, but reading it in the bar it should work 2 ways. As it is written it's just a gibberish sentence. Low level wordplay.
but even with Hab n aero... it still wouldn’t be a hot verse
I can read this sentance using hab n aero, or habenero and it's a proper sentence in both instances. Higher level wordplay, much trickier to pull off.
Not the only reason for my vote, but an important factor.
Vote: destroyer
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