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Old 05-28-2013, 09:22 PM   #9
zygote
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Zeedee, did not really enjoy it. For a serious topic it had some sort of slapstick element to it, which was unnerving. E.g., "A flash of dementia happens to enter and he runs in his room." Considering the topic you used, the writing lacked a level of stylistic maturity. It didn't really mesh well - your lighthearted take on dealing with visuoperceptual hallucinations and dementia.
Pohfig, verse was similar in that both had similar approaches. A likeable main character dealing with some main problem. Enjoyed your discussion of alcoholism. The hangover description at the start was good scene setting/character development and the conclusion was good. I appreciate the story did not "go anywhere" and the character finished the story with the same relationship to alcohol as he had at the beginning. It gave a sense of realism and strength to the writing. Voted for Pohfig.
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