[PancakeBrah]

he literally won the next sixteen matches, not one single loss
in the land of the "gold cup", he was quickly becoming a god

^This bar was off. Rhyme was weak and the use of the word literally really took me out of the piece. If you said 'he won' instead of 'he literally won', we would have believed you. The author isn't a liar, there's no need to reassure the reader.

could be seen from the bleachers, footsteps gathering.. The staggering.. Something was odd..
It was saddening.. Kids crying, "what’s happening?".. Mother’s crying ..."Oh my god"

^Probably the best bar from the piece. More complex rhyme than the rest and the aura/feel was nice.

when they checked him, they found more than just a wallet and a simply I.D.
they were appalled when they saw in his palm, arsenic in a syringe and an I.V.

^Flowed pretty well.

Aside: If he impaled a pitchfork in the back of his neck, how did he have court date?

Overall this left a lot to be desired, for me. The story was telegraphed. I'm not saying all Open Mic story pieces need a twist, but if it doesn't have one it has to be focused on beautiful use of language, good grasp of conversation, and general emotion. Maybe some complexity of rhyme for good measure. After reading this I just kind of though, 'ok'. Only because this story has been told dozens of times, in and out of text, and nothing new was brought to the table. There was no context of emotion for me. There was this badass horse, and he died because he was too successful, and you were the rider. Ok. Where's the stomach punch necessary to make a piece like this work? Maybe it was lost in your wording. Sometimes it felt you were a bit too verbose with empty descriptors. Plus the language was awkward in spots. I know for a fact you can rhyme pretty well, because your standard Open Mics are multi-heavy kill shots. I respect going with a different tact, but nothing really stood out to me. I have no problem believing you could craft a fine story piece with your technical skills in mind, but this wasn't it. Keep writing, though. I could just be full of shit.