Netcees - View Single Post - WEEK VIII: 2tripple0 vs Adonis[ADONIS WINS]

ACTIVATE SELF · 02-15-2018, 02:34 AM

2tripple0
Bro, I thought your first 3 stanzas (quote included) were really dope. I especially dug the wording and the idea found in the part about naming the boat after someone whom you loved. You know, uhm, in my opinion, what is most captivating about your verse ,and writing just in general, is that it possess a matter-of-factness to it. What I mean by that is that it comes across as being honest. Non pretentious. Genuine. As a reader you get what you see. There are no gimmicks or shortcomings intentionally hidden behide glittering mechanics and airy psychobabble that reads good from a technically point of view, but ultimately lacks substantial nutrition. Instead, you're writing reads naked. Exposed. Heart on its sleeve. Opened booked and has depth. There is a humanity that can be found inside of it, that I feel tells us a lot about you as a person. How you think and what your character as a man might be comprised of. It offers insight and food for thought. In a nutshell: it's real shit.

With that said, after the first 3 promising stanzas the verse began to depreciate in overall value. Although, it still possessed a resonanting quality and sense of purpose to it, and there were still some fragmented gems scattered about, the overall piece however, gradually .. inevitably .. declined and collapsed upon itself, due to poorly constructed rhyme schemes and sloppy wording that diminished the brillance of your underlying themes and the singular ideas you had per line. If you were to work at improving your technical skills, which would serve to the benefit of ehancing your unique and heartfelt written voice, then well, I believe you would transform into an elite-level writer. My 2 cents.

Adonis
At first i thought to myself, "what the fuck is 'Donis talking about?", I loved it, but had no clue. Honestly, I had none. Then I got to the end and saw the picture. Man, this is scary good writing, near perfect. My mistake lied in me trying to judge it before I understood it. And truthfully I still don't. But there is a beauty in it's mystery. Like the picture that inspired it. Your words are powerful, poignant, philosophical in nature. Your content is serene, as it appears to speak to a much higher truth about finding tranquility, and the spiritual peace that rest within the stillness of our physical world, while one calmly partakes in observation of the soul and mind. And by virtue of such meditative exploration, you seemed to have broken the metaphysical chains of today. That often confine us to the illusional that is our current state of temporary existence and condition. An act which freed your from the "now'', and allowed you to time travel via the vehicle of memory, to a land that had been long lost beneath a mythical sea of yesteryear's Nostalgia. At least, that's my interpretation. With that said, your mechanics were A1. The flow, scheme, wording and imagery were all stunningly impressive. Lastly, the "killing times watching clocks" part was exceptionally good writing.

Vote: Adonis
Because this week he was flawless.

This was actually a pretty good battle for various different reasons. Peace.

02-15-2018, 02:34 AM	#10
ACTIVATE SELF Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2017 Posts: 783 Battle Record: 2-1 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 19584278	2tripple0 Bro, I thought your first 3 stanzas (quote included) were really dope. I especially dug the wording and the idea found in the part about naming the boat after someone whom you loved. You know, uhm, in my opinion, what is most captivating about your verse ,and writing just in general, is that it possess a matter-of-factness to it. What I mean by that is that it comes across as being honest. Non pretentious. Genuine. As a reader you get what you see. There are no gimmicks or shortcomings intentionally hidden behide glittering mechanics and airy psychobabble that reads good from a technically point of view, but ultimately lacks substantial nutrition. Instead, you're writing reads naked. Exposed. Heart on its sleeve. Opened booked and has depth. There is a humanity that can be found inside of it, that I feel tells us a lot about you as a person. How you think and what your character as a man might be comprised of. It offers insight and food for thought. In a nutshell: it's real shit. With that said, after the first 3 promising stanzas the verse began to depreciate in overall value. Although, it still possessed a resonanting quality and sense of purpose to it, and there were still some fragmented gems scattered about, the overall piece however, gradually .. inevitably .. declined and collapsed upon itself, due to poorly constructed rhyme schemes and sloppy wording that diminished the brillance of your underlying themes and the singular ideas you had per line. If you were to work at improving your technical skills, which would serve to the benefit of ehancing your unique and heartfelt written voice, then well, I believe you would transform into an elite-level writer. My 2 cents. Adonis At first i thought to myself, "what the fuck is 'Donis talking about?", I loved it, but had no clue. Honestly, I had none. Then I got to the end and saw the picture. Man, this is scary good writing, near perfect. My mistake lied in me trying to judge it before I understood it. And truthfully I still don't. But there is a beauty in it's mystery. Like the picture that inspired it. Your words are powerful, poignant, philosophical in nature. Your content is serene, as it appears to speak to a much higher truth about finding tranquility, and the spiritual peace that rest within the stillness of our physical world, while one calmly partakes in observation of the soul and mind. And by virtue of such meditative exploration, you seemed to have broken the metaphysical chains of today. That often confine us to the illusional that is our current state of temporary existence and condition. An act which freed your from the "now'', and allowed you to time travel via the vehicle of memory, to a land that had been long lost beneath a mythical sea of yesteryear's Nostalgia. At least, that's my interpretation. With that said, your mechanics were A1. The flow, scheme, wording and imagery were all stunningly impressive. Lastly, the "killing times watching clocks" part was exceptionally good writing. Vote: Adonis Because this week he was flawless. This was actually a pretty good battle for various different reasons. Peace. Last edited by ACTIVATE SELF; 02-15-2018 at 07:08 AM.