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Old 02-11-2018, 09:19 PM   #2
Alice
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This was decent. You went on a bit of a tangent at some spaces, from the opening line seeking some sort of release to coins in a cup, but the overarching connection was most definitely prevalent throughout. Would've liked to see a more thorough continuation of the references you used and some of the imagery you tried to incorporate, like the 'desert' and 'iron' references. But this seems more like a quick written so it's somewhat understandable. It has some emotional/powerful moments though, and I can definitely appreciate that.
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