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Old 01-15-2018, 05:00 PM   #6
Razah
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Chicago.
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dope battle.

I liked both verses for two different reasons. This can go either way in my eyes. Kind Ra, I'm not huge on the whole galactic blah blah blah. What you did do though, was take an idea I don't like and still make it enjoyable through good writing.

"The beginning of birth, awestruck.
A universal construct.
The ends were drawn and the laws stuck"

That just rhymed very nicely.

"Conscious stoked.
Knowledge rose when my third eye opened, glowed.
My mind soaked in hope
chakras woke, evoked.
Cloaked in a higher state of mind
I rise."

Probably my favorite part. I'm more into spirituality & thoughts like this, but I can understand how this ties into the universe. One in the same, huh.. Anyways, your writing is on point. I felt like you started off okay, warmed up, & finished strong. What's hurting you here (in my eyes, and it's super bias), is me just not liking this topic.

Ender, this was pretty dope. The constant rhyme schemes, made for a very quick & fluent read. The topic was pretty simple, but it had a nice little twist if you ask me. I really just liked the rhyming a lot. It's weird because, there isn't a stanza I can pin point like, Yeah, this bar was dope. It was just an over all good read.

On one hand, Ra had more 'stand out' material. But on the other hand, Ender had a verse I enjoyed & it rapped well. I'm gonna always go with what I enjoyed more, so yeah..

vEnder
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