[Inno]

Ender vs Mr J

Ender: This was a cool sort of "under the microscope" type look at the President and his actions. The flow is solid enough, I had no problems whatsoever with that regard. Technically it's fine. I don't know if you're aware of what multies are or not, but sometimes you appear to use them, others not, and at times I was caught in the middle because it seemed like they were a syllable or so out if you were trying to use them? I'm unsure. Anyway, this was a good look at the presidents clear misgivings and you didn't sit on the fence about your thoughts or fears LOL you made it quite clear you weren't a fan and I can't say I am either. It connected with me as a reader but iI guess overall it was just stating facts rather than offering up anything really "new" to me or making me think about it and that was the kicker here, it needed an edge. It needed something to make the reader think. It needed more than just those statements quoted, even if they were well inserted into the piece. That was the main sticking point I can see for some readers off bat as I read it. It had an idea in mind but the execution maybe didn't pay off like you had hoped this week.


Mr J: I enjoyed the read here, I too thought it was a pop shot at the leagues competitors which wouldn't be unlike you to do so and wouldn't be too far fetched given your Genocide antics recently LOL. I'm sure it's intentional. It has to be. You're the joker haha! Anyway, this piece had more to offer in more categories than Ender's verse this week. The flow was a notch higher, it read smoother, the technical merit had to give the nod your way, and it was cleaner and more concise and direct in what it set out to achieve. You're gunning for everyone in your sight (site?) and killing them one by one by whatever means necessary. Your words are literally weapons, offing people. It's quite literal and fun and often those tongue in cheek pieces are overlooked which is a shame. I've got Mr J winning here.