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Old 01-09-2018, 12:01 AM   #8
Ender
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Shorter votes from now on, ha ha!

Asylum
The mechanics of this piece were extremely solid. I particularly appreciated all the multis and inners that made the flow as smooth as butter.
As far as the content goes, I found it a little unclear, but my interpretation was that the piece was about a man who has been caught for committing a crime (perhaps related to drunkeness if the line about not being sober is literal) and is contemplating what has led him to that moment, before his execution. It is possible that interpretation is way off, but that is what I took from this.
I liked the style of writing and the rhyme and the flow. But I would have preferred if the content had been just a shade clearer and more direct, as I was left wondering if I really understood the piece or if I was just grasping at straws.

Diablo
This piece also had solid mechanics. It used assonance rather than pure rhyme to create some multis. There was an occasional use of inner rhymes but it wasn't consistent. Still fairly good though.
The content is where this piece really shines. The concept of emotionless beings (in this case robots) leeching emotions off humans is an interesting one and I don't remember having seen it used in topicals before. The use of some invented vocabulary really added to the science-fiction aesthetic and helped with the world-building, which was another strength of the piece. As far as suggestions for improvement go, I would spend more time on characterisation and defining the social structures (are the ruling class humans or robots or both?). But I really enjoyed this.

Comparison
Asylum had the slight edge in mechanics in my view, with purer multis and more inner rhyming. However I found Diablo's content far more engaging, with a much clearer story and more interesting concept, so I give the edge to Diablo here.

Vote - Diablo
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