LOL
Okay, so I was unsure about the beginning section of dialogue and it rhyming, but I can see what you did there. Gary doesn't rhyme so well in my accent tbh but I can see it being enunciated to fit so it's no biggie. The rhyming sections that follows are a lot easier on the readers eye, more what I'm used to reading (and no doubt others are too). The guitar shaped case reminded me of Desperado, not sure if you're familiar with that at all, but that's the image that sprang to mind instantly for me as I read that. The British references were actually pretty on-point here with MI6/MP's etc and I enjoyed the James Bond name drop as well to give it some authenticity haha! The best weapon being the child's heart was another interesting line, for me, as despite the arsenal at the killers disposal his could be somewhat of a Chekhov's gun to bring into play later. I hope so at least, it would be good to recall this line later on and have it almost as a plot point that can get easily glossed over on first read. I think so at least. I'm typing as I read it so I have no idea what's to come as of writing this out... You misspelled a few words toward the end of this section that threw me a little at first. "Stumpled" should be "Stumbled" and "Stripped" should probably be "Striped", nothing major and I got the jist but it's something others may pick up on, especially as they're breaking down each verse and voting for a winner elsewhere LOL. I kind of wanted the piece to go somewhere else, maybe the Russians getting revenge or Gary Young somehow outwitting them all or a grand mask-reveal like Scooby Doo would end or even the Love As A Weapon thing I referenced earlier. It could have used more resolution either way really. It had a lot of build up but didn't really offer the pay off it promised for me this time. That said, the storylines narrative was pretty good and well told throughout. The Russians dialogue wasn't really needed IMO, you def had the better verse of the two I read though.
Keep that pen moving!
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