NYC, After seeing this posted in the OM it stays fresh in my memory.
I enjoyed the way that you painted this picture & brought the concept together.
truly a feat that deserves its merits when taking into consideration how well it unravels.
I thought the most interesting points lied within the surrounding components
the opening is what caught my attention right off the bat. very well done imo.
then as the story carries on I start to blend in with the story and take in the sights.
it is like I am shaken awake & playing catch up with the world as it has become.
Quote:
The tattoos on my body - homage to a tribe that I miss from afar
a lineage somewhere in time along this prism of ours
There was a native tribe known for their wisdom of words
Back when humanity was localized around a singular star
So I pray to the war gods and wait for whispers from Mars
and tip the balance away from evil and the cynical herd
As I stare at my face floating over the glint of my purse…
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the section quoted above reminds me of Philip K Dick as I progress through it
your choice in descriptive words really draws a reader in & paints some vivid surroundings.
this whole piece feels like one could capitalize on it by crafting more to the story.
Diablo, After getting through the journey NYC took me on and reading yours...I had to dwell on both verses.
both of you came correct & its only the third week? or is it the 4th? I honestly cant remember.
regardless as I read your verse I imagine how this all unravels in your mind.
the fact that you are able to craft such work sometimes on short notice is very admirable.
its such a different approach that you bring that it really is hard to compare both pieces
NYC went for a futuristic approach while you dwell more in the past which works to your advantage.
you have a sturdy foundation to pull out idea after idea & pound it into place.
I can dig the vibe that you bring forth because your flow is pretty much always on point.
you dont hiccup which is easy for most delivering the amount of work you continue to churn out.
the most impressive part is that you always seem to keep your lines balanced out without much filler.
your story is one that everyone can dive into and expect to be guided along without losing their place.
Quote:
The dictatorship shared a maniacal laugh at the top of their lungs
which remained in the air until the return of our prodigal son.
The loss of his loved one weighed heavy as the kasa on his head
it wasn't enough wanting them dead, he had to have his revenge.
Samurai meant "Those who served," in its correct term so
it was time he handed the men a dish best served cold!
The sunset burned overhead as he veered the arid plains
until our expert ronin finally neared their palisades.
The fear that captivated him crossing swords with the henchmen
appeared to have abated having turned his thoughts to redemption.
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at points like this you really showcase your ability to work in rhymes that work.
you dont follow the everyday rule of trying to rhyme a certain rhyme a thousand times.
you just roll onto the next line while devising where the words fall into place.
a very veteran approach. nice work...
v/to be honest this is one of the better battles Ive read in the AOWL since the league first started popping off.
I cant remember when I started competing in this to recall who impressed me most back then, but this has me feeling all nostalgic.
which makes sense because both of you have been around for a long time.
its like watching 2 legends in the making go head to head and the season has barely started.
it saddens me knowing that such material is dropped so early & has the least amount of votes.
both of you deserve more recognition than this, I am actually glad that both of you were able to drop....
anyway enough of that...down to the vote, I have read this a few times actually but have given it my undivided attention as of now.
Ive had time to rest on the idea of both verses & find it to be one of the most difficult decisions.
both of you have worked towards crafting these worlds together that most would just waste an easy topic on.
you both went above and beyond and have the ability to craft a story out of thin air.
both differ in their choice of wording & the flow of each piece is on point and makes me question everyone elses inability to drop in the time allotted.
...anyway. Im not going to lie I loved both verses but in terms of who took the cake here its based on personal preferences.
what takes it for me would be originality, which NYC has done better here imo.
I felt the whole idea he brought to the table really sold me over. although I felt dropping it in the OM might have hurt him if Im being completely honest.
the good thing about it is that its memorable, the whole vibe just sticks with you.
as for Diablo, his piece came off as a well documented battle that many can relate to.
the whole story he brought to the table was one that would make a writer reconsider their flow.
he is one of the few that can rattle off 40+ lines and make it seem so fluid.
if this battle were about dedication I would have definitely given it to him for keeping up such work throughout most of the season.
but Im going to side with NYC this time around due to how his piece panned out.
the futuristic vibe had me caught up in a world very few can pull out of thin air.
v/NYC, great battle fellas