[Objective]

“Perspective from your broken heart”

A stable environment isn't where my fire went,
I was eight when sanity left for early retirement.
My requirement for comfort IS stacked with hate and profanity,
violence and vanity mixed with lack of faith in humanity.
The fundamental support was for sport but that was normality,
a calamity of sorts that high wired me to a fake sense of reality.
I state my mind angrily from the wits of hard to find anguish,
as emotions resemble anarchy the result of bad parenting is what I brandish.

Ready to fight any night as a sick/mean bitch-king at sixteen,
I don't hit queens or pre-teens ......... (that shit was HIS thing.)
Unless my wrists are observed I'm hardly reserved,
I make sure any pervs or the nerds get the words they deserve.
With a rep to preserve I got nerves to protect my living image,
this world is too bold & with respect to uphold I'm being timid.
If I'm consistent and cold I'll survive by staying persistent
with resistance to judgment & nothing to lose cus I'm already distant.
For instance I got dues to my friends that are playing pretend, like;
''I got your backs (... for bucks)''.
We just aim our defense right,
and lack of trust is just that for us.

I'm playing my cards but faking is hard,
my ego is breaking, I'm aching and scarred.
I'm taking it far yet my peers keep raising the bar,
are they outpacing or racing by hazing the star?
Got caught raging and flaking to rake in the tar,
so I'm staging the baiting and wait from afar.
...
Shit, he sees me and exits the poor excuse of a car:
''You got weed or a hit you could borrow, or nah?''
It's kind of bizarre but I charge with my might,
and look at the scene after winning the fight.
He coughs up some blood and wipes off the mud,
yells: ''what the fuck cus', I thought we were buds!''
Calms down for a second and gets off his buzz,
he's too tired to fight so I guess that's a plus.
''I know 'bout your past but look what you did,
you're so insecure you beat me for joking and shit.
You're too broken for this and a friend I will miss,
but is this what I get from taking your piss?''
I'm holding back tears but can't state my regret,
if I clear out my fears I'm knee deep in debt.
I turn my back to walk and try to stay strong,
my play was all wrong but life will go on...