It's interesting to see a predominant text battler try their hand at a more topical piece. The flow in this is pretty easy to catch, there's a couple of spots right at the end of the first verse (final couplet) where the lines are like a syllable out with the meter in the rest but that's easily remedied. I'm just pedantic I guess. The "now I live with regret" line was by far the standout for me, but your more punchliney type style works well here, and I tend to enjoy that in these pieces as you don't see it used so much by the topical guys on the whole. The battlers wording is easily their strong suit, I always think, they know what pops and how to deliver it to that effect - so transitioning into topicals and writing stuff that could easily be quoted, with creativity and originality, isn't all that far a stretch to see work. Hell, I was a predominant text battler long before I tried my hand at the topical side. I often wonder why more cant, or won't, give it a go and I always enjoy reading those that do. If I was to look at this with a more critical eye, I'd probably tell you not to try so hard early on at making it sound poetic or pretentious, this was especially noticeable at the very beginning and really you should just stick to a more natural writers voice - like you would in battles, it doesn't have to be so flowery in the topical realm. But hey, I'm not trying to discourage you from writing here, I enjoyed it and want you to continue so props on that front and don't take what I've said any other way than an attempt to give you pointers.
You should write more.
Keep that pen moving!
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