Idk man, this is better then the last one i read although i think you could still improve your schemes and structure, you use a lot of near rhymes which is cool for vocal but its easier to spot through text and makes it come off funky. Also i noticed you end a lot of your rhymes mid bar instead of at the end of the bar which also makes it look weird. Anyways stay up and keep writing, ill peep the next one.
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