[Inno]

Vote 1:

Incredible: This honestly felt like exactly what you said, a rewritten version of something you wrote probably wrote a lot tighter and better before.

Some rhymes and parts felt lazy, just felt like you were motoring along in second gear but its sort of hard to criticise this if you actually lost your verse and had to rewrite as that is uninspiring and annoying as fuck at the best of times.

But yeah it just felt a little bit like rambling imagery, flow was choppy, on point at time not so in other parts.

Diablo: Literally read as an Aesop kind classical fable feel - I think it’s the way you structure sentence and story.

The flow was better and writing was cleaner, I wasn’t incredibly blown away by the content as the piece felt familiar to in terms of the moral and content. I think you flexed enough in your writing skills to certainly win this battle, but looking forward to you pushing harder with your interpretation or story next week.

Vote Diablo

Vote 2:

Yo, Inno. Feels weird writing the votes to you but I'll write my votes as if I was going to post it up. Hope you're cool with that. 2 more votes coming up.

Incredible: Oooh, you picked one of the pics I posted up, interesting. Sucks that you lost half of your verse though, I know how demoralizing it feels and trying to recreate it never feels the same but I'm looking forward to read it either way.

It starts out great, you grab hold of the essence of the image and manage to paint a picture of the mental state of your character really well. The insanity that lingers in a skewed world view is made apparrent not only through the image but through the eyes of your character. Kinda interesting when you put it that way.

After reading it through I can tell for sure that this is an incomplete verse, maybe the recreation process killed your drive a little bit but I love what you were trying to do. A little bit more work and a complete verse would have made this a pretty decent battle, but as it stands now it feels exactly what it is: incomplete with lots of potential, the similies and story you're painting is awesome but as it's displayed now I'm naturally left wanting for more. Great idea and concept tho.

Diablo: When I went through the topics Innovator had created I stopped and glanced at that picture too but didn't spark that creative inspiration in me although I wanted it to. I'm happy it did that with someone because it's such a dope picture and I'm looking forward to what you did with it.

Starts out with the moral lessons of humanity, the drive to explore and fill the void of our curiousities with answers.

''and burning new bridges til every stone is unturned'' strikes a chord with me as well, can definitely relate to that in the journey of life which you paint really well in this piece of yours.

The piece is complete with a rather simple but effective flow throughout, internals to keep the flow and scheme going with certain switch ups here and there but consistently follows the same format without seeming redundant throughout. I guess it could have been even more complex to get that last bit of ''oompf'' out but that in itself may have messed with the essence and simplicity of your verse as I find beauty in that too when it's done right, which I feel you succeeded with here.

It's pretty positive verse filled with hope and it's refreshing to read one of these once in a while, specially on a board where people like to explore the darker auras of humanity or their own creativity. Dope shit.

Vote: Diablo, he a more complete verse altogether and with most of Incredible's verse missing I think it's pretty evident who comes out as a winner here. Interesting and enjoyable battle to read nonetheless.

Vote 3:

Incredible

Quote:
mustard
ahhhhh jesus.

Quote:
... dumped by the light and the darkness has nothing to say
kinda cool.

Quote:
... what a fist is, a gun or the real meaning of Christmas
clean.

Quote:
up above it all but yet in the end I still fall
isn't this a song? not really but it reminds me of one.

Quote:
bazaar
wttffffff

all in all, having ten posts, this isn't horrible in comparison to what it could be. just stick around, learn, and drop the attitude.



Diablo
not sure why, but the start seemed a little weak to me. maybe if you weren't WRITING FIVE PIECES OR WHATEVER.

Quote:
... with funny results / ... paths you choose come to a halt
like the image of wide open fields (as options) being like, the safe bet despite being weird, and the more narrow "well I'm living my own life" paths being riskier.

Quote:
... get there regardless / ... first step is the hardest
was clean, but also like boilerplate inspirational meme.


IGNORE NEXT PART TO BE "FAIR TBH"
Quote:
... you'll never see what's ahead / so think of the past as a means to an end
this was dope.

Quote:
... holding your nerve, / and burning new bridges ...
I dunno. in terms of the line, pretty clean. in terms of GIVING HORRIBLE LIFE ADVICE, NAW. lmao

Quote:
once you know it for certain, it's as easy as that
cool.

STOP IGNORING

mvgt Diablo