SAMMY - intriguing start, i was drawn in by the first six lines.. solid start so far but in the next line where you said cusp the chalice, that threw me off, like what the hell, cusp is not a verb but a noun which means a point or a pointed edge where two curves meet, so saying someone cusp a chalice got me lost.. dunno if it was a typo or is there something im missing?.. dunno, but it threw me off anyways.. proceeding further your verse seems to lose that 'compactness' and 'intrigue' which you began with and your ideas seem scattered in places which also affected the flow of your piece, i also felt the closer coulda been better, not a bad verse but if you had flowed with the heat you brought in the intro section i think it woulda been wayy better.
FRANK - you are a good narrator no doubt, your description was on point from the jump and i loved your verse, although the flow was off in many places, the syllables of the repetitive rhyme schemes were not even, not that that's a problem per se but it didnt read smoothly in most places, apart from that i don't really have any issues with your piece.
vote FRANK for a more solid writeup..
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