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Old 12-30-2016, 08:24 PM   #5
asylum
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Join Date: Sep 2014
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Sammy - you broke tone and the story's pace to talk about the armor near the end, that was a fatal flaw. memorabilia and instilling fear in ya did not work. closing line needed work too. started falling off around ape shit but the first 11 lines were pretty clean.

Frank - some of your rhymes were a bit stretched but that's just you. I enjoyed the descriptions of the animal slayings the most, very vivid. "inverting it's snout" was great, love it when the stretched rhymes use uncommon phrases that work, like that. there was also a great deal of suspense in the piece as the gladiator was encircled by the guards. nice piece.

MVGT Frank for the more solid of the two pieces, by a landslide.
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