Zen Alright the writing here was strong. Your technical skill really showed in that first stanza, and the use of vocab helped to advance the perfect tone for the character you were establishing. I thought that phantom line was dope too. That second stanza was nice as well, and while I was reading it, I felt as though it was about to transition into a great ending. Sadly it didn't. I really get the feeling like you rushed the piece and just finished it off abruptly. The verse didn't even climax, really. Basically I feel like there was potential lost on this one.
Mike So I loved the concept. The idea of a mentally tortured chicken boy is hilarious in and of itself, but the fact that he was made that way due to his dads own frustration made it funny enough for me to laugh out loud. I duno, I have a sick sense of humor. Anyways, although the picture that you painted here is a bit bizarre, I was still able to feel for the boy, which I consider a feat for how comical a character he is. What you lacked in technical ability, you made up for in story telling. I was fully engaged the whole time.
Vote/Mike
Zenland, with a better ending, I see you taking this easily. You had the potential, I just don't think you followed through. Pretty cool verses here on both sides though, good reads.
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BIRDHORSE 8-15
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