Im not to much of a fan to be honest; but from a critique perspective:
Your word choice is almost "over productive" Like
Quote:
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to descecrate y'all peepz and "guys"/
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you could just say peepz and be done with it.
We all been to the "im about done with my rhyme, bar." Try to stay away from timeframes in the piece unless your on a scheme. Like dont talk about starting or ending a song; dont say "fuck the intro" either.
Keep writing G.