[dead man]

short vote a la cake.

certain: 4 different environments, parental styles and backgrounds. playing on our mind's tendency to stereotype based on all of these descriptions. it was cool. i wasn't too much feeling your phraseology at all. very clunky at times. i hate the word "tots" as well. has a choice / pass as toys, rhythm guitar, just fell flat as i read them. if you could improve one aspect of your writing it would be honing your creative turn of phrase. i liked the idea behind this and how you closed it out. interesting work.

adam and damien. very cool. the apple and everything. i dug it. that idea by itself was not enough to carry this i don't think. vulgar has a point - you belabor this idea of formatting your verses around a single rhyme and it really shits on you sometimes. it stabs you in the back. i don't know why you feel the need to make that your trademark maneuver but you do. first week, okay you had a great enough idea in my mind to overlook a lot of the missteps. here -- well, pancake pretty much covered how absurdly some of this translated. you are great at what you do. and do it well very often. but here, you did not have the conceptual power to overcome the shortcomings.

v/certain serpent.