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Old 09-18-2016, 01:57 PM   #7
UnbornBuddha
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Vulgar: "Honestly, eating through electric wires always made me nervous", LOL.
You continue on your satirical rampage, which flavors your referential phrasing giving it a certain pizazz. What I find interesting is that in this tournament you been writing satirical takes (and they are funny), but compared to other writers there's not a lightheartedness to your comedy. This is not a criticism anything, it is actually quite interesting. There is seriousness embedded within this style without overly being serious. I don't know if this your intent, but it comes off as very refined. I do have to say I didn't really enjoy the spin on the whole filmmaking bit and this 'woe is me' plight from their subterranean dwelling for equal rights to humankind. The latter felt like something derived from Stuart Little. That said I thought the writing, the phrasing, the language used, and so on was superb. Good job!

Richard Corey: An interesting interpretation of the topic, that is relevant to modern societal issues. This pieces of course since they are relatable have a different impact on the reader, since its touching upon issues that they might have under went or have strong feelings about. That said. I felt like there was an overarching sameness to your last piece in the previous round. Of course, the narrative is different, but thematically there is a parallel one can draw. This is not a negative, but does demonstrate a similar take with just perhaps a different lens. It seems like a continuation or a different chapter to your last verse. Your have a most natural storytelling, where the rhymes seem to disappear and it seems like they are not there. But why I think Vulgar bested you here is because he had a more creative take on the topic. Yes it was more literal, in some sense, yours was more interpretative, but the way he executed it was testament to his creativity.

Vote: Vulgar
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