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Old 09-16-2016, 10:39 AM   #18
Certain
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,066
Battle Record: 40-19


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Destroyer: This verse was not on the tier of your best work. Your two references to board members were both poorly structured. They simply related a two-dimensional diss to things we know about uh-oh and veritas instead of incorporating uh-oh and veritas into the construction. The intentional grounding line didn’t make sense, from a football perspective: Intentional grounding is not called against defenses. The sub way felt like a statement that didn’t go anywhere, which, again, was the same issue as with your uh-oh and veritas lines. The closer was a really good concept — assuming “cash for gold” hasn’t been used —but the way you closed it out was similar to the football line. That’s not how it works: If I’m the one seeking cash for gold, why would Cashius be the one mailing it in? As a whole, I’ve read much better from you. The best line in the piece might have ben the cash shoes play.

Cashius: The big edge you had here is the use of personals. Your opener and closer were both tough as hell, with the closer clearly being the line of the battle. The Lochte line was better than the other three Lochte lines I’ve seen since that shit happened. I didn’t like the Bags line, especially because the standard for using a Bags line against Destroyer needs to be pretty high. Selfie stick failed, outright, and the “Rate the MC above you” post felt like something by a lesser writer. I think you could pay a little more attention to rhyme scheme, but otherwise, you had two great couplets, two good ones and two bleh ones with a verse that was mostly well-written.

Vote: Cashius
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