[Certain]

I held out voting on this battle until last because I absolutely see it as the closest of the round. I also am breaking with my normal voting format to discuss this battle in a more contrast-heavy manner.

I’m not sure any two elite writers on this website have more opposing styles than you two, other than your remarkable polish. (I suppose big baby vs. Pinot Grij might be a bigger contrast, for instance.) But one of the fun elements here is that you probably don’t get why your opponent is getting votes right now, since your tastes both run similar to your own writing.

What results is something that, on paper, appears to be a battle of story vs. topical and a choice based entirely on preference. I don’t have a preference, though, between the two forms. My goal with each read (this battle got five) was to suss out where you each went wrong. Because if there’s one thing I think is important to note here, it’s that this was not a great battle because neither verse lived up to its writer’s potential.

For one, the topic was bizarre and constricting, though I do feel as though you both immersed yourselves in it. The takes on the topic were overt to the point of dullness, though. Of course Pinot Grij was going to interpret it literally and write from a point of dismissiveness. Of course Eŋg was going to settle into an exploration of light and humanity and fill his verse with clever minor wordplay. Both of these verses ended up relying on cleverness in a way that was a bit offputting, as you came off aloof.

But the verses entertained. Pinot Grij’s rhyme schemes were immaculate, and the storytelling style emphasized funny with in-your-face, original punchlines to go along with weirdness. The very concept was so weird and unique that I laughed the first time I read the verse, which is not a common thing. Meanwhile, Eŋg’s verse stood up well to multiple readings and offered a number of really nice turns of phrase. I loved “the tie, the suit and subway line commutes.”

There were flaws in each verse, though. Pinot Grij had a bit of a plot hole in the notion that Joey Bulbhead could not figure out how to get around his head being a lightbulb during regular sex. (You know, vaginal intercourse seems like it shouldn’t be a problem.) Eŋg’s issue was a few redundancies and times when the connectivity of the lines felt forced and clumsy. Pinot Grij definitely had better flow, both because that’s easier to accomplish with a simpler vocabulary and because his rhyme schemes were more fluid and consistent.

Neither ending was particularly strong. Pinot Grij’s ending wasn’t as funny as the first half of his verse, instead relying on shock-value humor more than cleverness. Eŋg had a great concept to drive home, but that final couplet was worded and rhymed so clumsily that it took away from the impact of the line on every read.

As far as take on topic, you have the hyperliteral translation vs. the pretty obvious metaphorical interpretation. Both of you seemed totally confident, perhaps even cocky, about your ability to execute those properly, perhaps to the point of obnoxiousness as you both seemed to reference the topic at least once every couplet in your own ways.

What wins me over here, then, is ambition. Pinot Grij took the character presented to him and very cleverly inserted him into our world, had him go on some dates and told a quick story. I certainly appreciate the hell out of a good story. But Eŋg held himself to much loftier goals in his approach of the topic and built his verse into something that spoke beyond its single layer. Had Pinot Grij built out a world or told a more robust story, that probably would have been a deciding edge. That wasn’t the case. This battle was extremely close and required a lot of reads. But I’m voting for the verse I feel more impressed by.

Vote: Eŋg