I read both of the votes, and I can honestly tell vulgar, that it's not that he didnt capitalize, I just dont think soulstice captivated here. It was very, very impressive writing in general, but just that. It was writing, that told a story. But it wasn't beautiful. It was impressive though. A bulk of strength, an impressive feat of power, but it wasn't gorgeous. It didn't capsulate emotion as much as it probably wanted to intend. I like soulstice, his grasp on mechanics is impressive as hell. His story here seemed... a bit digressed in terms of surveying the field, relaying messages to his troops, and conveying the order given based on a strategy. It was very dense chakra, just aimed almost wrecklessly. I love the scenery, the touch, the embrace, but it wasnt captivating. He capitalized on everything but it almost didnt have a resolve. I read about 95% of it and was saddened that I already chose my mind on who won. Granted, he outwrote pent up based on mechanics alone, but that didnt matter. It just wasnt captivating. This is usually how you write though, and I knew coming into this that you'd have to try something a bit different. Ironically enough with that said, I feel I casted my vote without even saying anything about pent up.
Flashy. Pretty. I liked it, almost a lazy masterpiece. You flung your sword as you yawned and your fencing partner gets demolished. This was what I picked up, except..soulstice wasnt your fencing partner, and well, yeah. My absolute favorite part, for personal reasons was this.
Quote:
My friends have caught on and are pressing me hard -
"get a console or PC and catch wreck with the squad."
My lady wants an easel for her sketches and art
and saying no to everyone just tears me apart.
So I drink and I play - loathing to catch static
and hoping for fast assets like I'm going to cash taxes..
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Edit:
also, this line
Quote:
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and saying no to everyone just tears me apart.
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is just so good.
The reason why is that you showed gratitude for everything and what topped it off was the concern and the inevitable paint she'll eventually receive, it calmed the entire thing so much that I felt that you were definitely going to end it nicely. Up to that point it seemed intense, unnerving and high strung, but the beauty of language is that you can change slightly affronted nuances to ease the pain, strum the beat, touch a heart. Concise, yet lazy. if that makes sense?
On the other hand, I feel if soulstice signed into a league here he'd definitely champ the entire thing as his antics are steroidal to some of the champs we've already had. I feel for the most part you engaged a
Sopranos paradox where everything was just a bulk, cluster lumped together so powerfully, but at the end, it lacked something substantial that you cant point your finger on - well you could, but you just wished your finger never found that certain knack. Maybe you did too much. Maybe you did too little, but thats where the confusion lies.
thanks.