This was an interesting one.
big baby had a very vocabulary dense and fascinating approach to the picture. He basically mapped out love's travel (or a relationship's travel) through the different pathways blood takes through one's heart. And somehow, he made it seem romantic.
I was actually really impressed by him lyrically as well as poetically. His grasp of repetition, theme and motif, language and, again, vocabulary took my by surprise.
He also had some great one-liners
Quote:
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Originally Posted by big baby
no gasps of air in-between kisses, just sighs of relief
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On the downside, he had a couple of hanging rhymes that tweaked the flow a bit. But considering he's relatively good at all other aspects of rhyming, it's hard for me to think he didn't do it on purpose.
good shit regardless.
Frank wasn't as sharp lyrically, but damn did he draw me in with the narrative. LOL, as soon as I saw Snorlax I knew what I was in for. Pokemon Go! is crazy around where I work. Just people wandering around, running into traffic, shit's hilarious.
But this story was about an overweight kid who found an easy fun way to exercise by playing the app. The story really builds on how happy the kid is and how great things are going and then, introduces a drunk driver.
And if you've been involved in topicals as long as I have, your heart sank, lol!
I do have some questions tho': Was the kid special needs? Were his parents high? And like...why?
Whatever the case, the end of the story has the imaginary Snorlax life the car off the little dude and I was like, "Jesus Christ! This is the first thing I read in the morning! What're you trying to ruin my day?"
vote:
Although I did like Frank's story (alot) Big Baby was just clearly the better writer. He had a better grasp of all the tools. Frank's lines were just waaay too long for me and often times he seemed to be fitting words in to keep up the length. If that's your style, so be it, just kinda irked me.
The story was great tho', just fuckin...bummed me out, shit!